Moving to a new city as an adult isn’t easy. It’s hard enough finding your way around and getting used to a new routine. And to really enjoy the place you have to make friends.

My brother and me in Savannah (en route to Florida) with some locals we met in a park

A couple weeks ago I moved from DC to Florida for the winter so I could play golf every day and try to go pro. I’m staying at my parents apartment and my 24 year old brother made the trip down with me. The community is mostly made up of retirees and the average age is above 70. We were eating lunch when an older dude sat next to us at the bar and started chatting. Before we even exchanged names he welcomed us to the neighborhood and invited us to dinner with his wife and another couple that night.

It would have been easy to come up with an excuse to decline but we accepted and had a great and unique experience.

A quick thank you

I just wanted to thank everyone who goes out of their way to help make others feel welcome. Personally, I have been extremely fortunate to have met many who have invited me to dinners, parties, vacations, events, and countless other activities that have made great memories. It is because of you that I have had such a good time in my post-college life.

Try to have unique experiences

I’m a HUGE believer in having unique experiences. Ever since I moved to DC 5 years ago I’ve tried to be a “yes” man as much as possible. Unique experiences are easier to remember, stand out, and make life more exciting.

Sometimes it’s a trip to the UAE with a couple friends and some others you don’t know when you find a glitch $200 round trip flight. Other times it’s going as a plus one to a roommate’s Tinder brunch date on 10 minutes notice. We are primed to say “no, thank you” when there’s an unexpected invite, especially when we don’t have the time to think it through. But saying “yes” to these has created some of my best memories.

Unique experiences don’t have to be expensive trips or odd activities

Tough Mudder group picture — A few weeks after I moved to DC I did a Tough Mudder with my friend, Sean (green shorts), and met Jon (next to me), who is now a great friend

Something as mundane as eating dinner with new friends can be a unique experience. But it could be something as simple as going to a party where you only know 1 person, going to karaoke with a random group you met at a bar, sitting next to someone at the coffee shop instead of alone, cooking something new with friends, signing up for a Tough Mudder, or even pulling over during your commute to watch a great sunset.

Back to my dinner – How many times have you eaten with someone 40-50 years older than you, who wasn’t a coworker/boss, relative, the relative of a friend, or the friend of a relative?

In each of those situations, the other person has a persona to fit into. But because we had no outside connection we let our guard down and hung out in a way none of us had ever done before. Politics, travel, regrets, changing policies, and life achievements/goals were all discussed. They even invited us to their apartment after dinner for dessert and coffee, and to introduce us to their dog!

People in their 20s can really be friends with those in their 70s.

Making Friends

The easiest place to meet people is at college. Everyone is your age, at the same stage of life, doing the same activities, and you all live together.

But it gets harder as you get older.

When I moved to DC, at 24, I only had a few friends. They were all in their last year of law school and had their own friends. My roommate was also new to DC and in a similar situation.

Volleyball team picture — Almost all of us were randos who were assigned to the same volleyball team. 3 years later we are still together and I have to miss playoffs next week!

I quickly realized that if I wanted to have fun in the new city I needed to meet as many people as possible. I started meeting people on the basketball court at the gym, parties, and through friends of friends of friends. We went to each other’s friends’ parties, joined intramural sports leagues, and went to each others’ work happy hours.

I had always had similar friends growing up and in college. There’s nothing wrong with that, but in DC I started meeting people who were different. They were older/younger, had different careers, different backgrounds, etc, and it was amazingly eye-opening to spend time with people who have different experiences than me. They see the world differently and gave me additional perspective, in addition to a larger pool of potential friends.

Birthday picture — Before I moved to DC, I only knew 2 people in this photo, taken on my 27th birthday.

Be “down” and inclusive

When you’re post-college and trying to make new friends it’s different than building a bond over a decade or 2 as a child. You aren’t forced to see these people every day in school and your parents don’t organize playdates. People are also much busier, so there are fewer opportunities to hang out.

That’s why its super important to be “down.” People like those who are willing to do things with them. This is how you get invited to the next thing. And if you keep declining offers they will stop coming!

I felt a little awkward when that first dude in DC invited me over to hang out with him and his girlfriend 2013. Jon and I had just met a few days earlier, but now he wanted me to come over to his apartment? What a weirdo! But I went.

That hangout turned into countless dinners, activities, trips, and new friends. He ended up becoming one of my best friends and I was even a groomsman in his wedding a few weeks ago.

Groomsmen Photo — I met Jon at the Tough Mudder when I first moved to DC. I was recently a groomsman in his wedding.

Accepting invitations is great, but extending invites is even better. It feels great when someone invites you to something even if you don’t want to go. Make people feel wanted and invite them, especially when there’s no cost. Have BIG birthday parties and invite those random people who you once exchanged numbers with but never ended up hanging out. Invite that guy you like but aren’t close with to watch the game when you were planning on watching it alone. It helps you build a relationship and makes it normal to chat more often. Soon you’ll have friends for all activities in your life; gym buddy, fellow foodie, sous chef, single going-out PIC, etc.

Summary and takeaways

Moving to a new city has a lot of challenges, but making new friends and enjoying your time shouldn’t be one of them. Hopefully I’ll be able to write a similar post about my new friends in Boca in a few months!

Try to have unique experiences because they are more memorable, fun, and make life exciting.
Be “down” when you get invited to things, even if don’t think it will be super interesting. Most of the time you’ll be glad you went.
Invite your new friends to hang out and participate in activities, even if you don’t think they would want to go. Everyone likes to feel wanted and sending an invite is an easy way to do that.

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